Cuando viene el fin (When the End Comes)

I just took my first exam. Done with my first class. The end is here. It's coming quickly.

Part of my mood is probably thanks to Cornell graduation, which happened yesterday. I've been thinking about my good friends who have graduated, are packing up their stuff and leaving, setting up camp in places all over the world doing all kinds of work. It's very bittersweet. I was already feeling bittersweet leaving Spain in the first place, but knowing that graduation of the class of 2009 has just happened, that I get emails filled with sadness from my friends in Ithaca who are packing up their stuff for the last time... well, it just solidifies the general sad mood of the day.

But I had other, more relevant things to share...

1) On Thursday night, Austin and I met up with Cristina (my Spanish friend) and some of her friends at the Facultad de Bellas Artes (Fine Arts Dept, basically) of the Univ of Sevilla. One of her friends studies art and her stuff was in an exhibition open to the public. It was interesting, nice to look at the art, fun to meet more of Cristina's friends. Then after, we went out for drinks at a nearby taberna. I had a FANTASTIC time. It was the first time this whole year where I felt like I was being myself in Spanish and not missing a beat. I was talking, joking, laughing, all in Spanish, saying things I would say in social situations in English, maintaining my personality across the language barrier. In the past, normally I interact just fine, but I never feel like myself. I am quieter and more timid and am very aware that I am the foreign kid who Cristina brought along. But not last Thursday night. I was being Emma, but in Spanish. And it felt absolutely wonderful.

2) That night with Cristina got me thinking about my language abilities, generally. I wrote on the side of my blog at the start of last summer that my goal for Spain was to come away speaking Spanish "fluidly." I remember lots of people trying to correct me on that ("don't you mean 'fluently'?") and having to explain what I meant. I wanted to leave after this year being able to communicate well, without pauses or "umms" or awkwardness in Spanish. Thursday night is proof that, in a lot of ways, I'm really there. I think I've reached that goal. It is sad in some ways, because it is the end of May and it is the first time I'm really solidly feeling that way, but better now than never. I did it, I suppose. I reached my goal. And as bittersweet (that's the word of the day) as it all is that it's happening now, just as I have to pack things up and head out, it still feels really, really good that I accomplished it.

3) Friday night was the center's goodbye dinner for us, because people are already starting to leave at the end of this week. It was the same place we had Thanksgiving last semester -- it was in a hor d'oeuvres type of format, and we all just stood around talking while all kinds of yummy finger foods were brought out. The sangria was also quite good. Anyway, it was nice. I talked to the people who work in the center a decent bit. Overall, though, just more evidence that things are starting to shut down here.

4) Cristina gave me a CD with a ton of her Spanish music on it. I'm listening to it right now. I love it. We have very similar musical taste, so I basically now have my music, but in Spanish. I'm so happy I have it. I made her a CD of American music, too, so we'll do a little exchange. That's just more evidence as to how we get each other, though. Our music is quite similar (read: indie/folk/rock, more or less). Here's one of my favorite songs that she gave me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t0VrYgAlfA

5) Cristina also lent me a movie to watch (wow, maybe I should just title this entry "Cristina"!) called 'Noviembre.' It was stellar, absolutely fantastic. It's an alternative movie made in Spain and winner of a bunch of film festival awards. Anyway, it was in Spanish, obviously. I watched it. No problem. In Spanish. No subtitles. No stopping. No nothing. At times I actually forgot that I was listening to Spanish, not to English. I was processing it subconsciously. It felt great. See #2 and my general fluid abilities with Spanish. Good stuff.

This is the last week of teaching English. This week I also have one more final to take and one more paper to turn in. Then Portugal for the weekend. I'm seeing Angie in less than three weeks. I can't wrap my head around all of this!!